The Worldwide Weblog of Donald Pincher

Blogged prose fiction by Joshua Gaskell

The WEBMASTER to the READER

I am the WEBMASTER, and it is I that will be presenting to you, READER, the private journal of Donald Pincher, aspiring author. How I came to be possessed of it is no concern of yours. And in any case, if I did go about to tell you by what accident I obtained covert access to the file, it would in this unbelieving age pass for little more than the cant or jargon of the blogosphere. Suffice to say that he types Journal.doc on his computer (Windows ME) and, in his careless cyber-luddism, has left open a pathway vulnerable to exploitation by those of us who know the ways of data capture.
Pincher is a pious, small-c-conservative young fogey of the leftmost wing. He lives unfashionably in the London district of Forest Hill SE23, and devotes his life to writing entries in his Oxford Urban Dictionary, trying to find someone willing to publish his novel – five-hundred pages of relentless socialist manifesto masquerading as literature – and to being fruitlessly apoplectic about the price of things in the capital. A privacy obsessive, much of his novel consists of (in equal measure) decrying the dangers of the internet age, and mocking its pretentions. Which is why I thought it would be funny for him to write his own blog, even if it is one that he doesn’t know he’s writing.
Though the automatic-upload macro I’ve attached to Pincher’s journal makes me something of a deistical Prime Mover, I will occasionally deign to intervene in ‘the cool of the day’ (to footnote, to hyperlink, to tag, or otherwise curate). To this end you will know me by my dark-blue font.
Without further ado, I present to you what I’ve chosen to dub, in the idiom of its unwitting BLOGGER, The Worldwide Weblog of Donald Pincher

Friday, 1st August 2014

I see that Persil proclaim themselves ‘tough on stains’. I would suggest that there’s a gap in the market for a third-way detergent that is also ‘tough on the causes of stains’. Early intervention and all that.

Thursday, 31st July 2014

Further to yesterday’s entry, the same forces mean that cultural comment is giving way to a comment culture.

Wednesday, 30th July 2014

Social media is turning us from an Any Questions? to an Any Answers? culture.

Tuesday, 29th July 2014

In the supermarket I wonder idly whether the use-by dates on eggs bear any relation to a chicken’s incubation period.

Monday, 28th July 2014

I notice that examples of bubblish new architecture seem often to have been exempted from their duty to carry street signage. At the junctions along Oxford Street, for example, older buildings are much more likely to display the name of the adjacent street. I don’t know if this is because the companies who own the new buildings kick up a fuss with the council about having their tinted glass spoiled by something so pedestrian, or because they live in such a Google Maps bubble that the idea of looking up to see where one is is unthinkable.

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