The Worldwide Weblog of Donald Pincher

by Joshua Gaskell


I am the WEBMASTER, and it is I who will be presenting to you, READER, the private journal of Donald Pincher, aspiring author. How I came to be possessed of it is no concern of yours. And in any case, if I did go about to tell you by what accident I obtained covert access to the file, it would in this unbelieving age pass for little more than the cant or jargon of the blogosphere. Suffice it to say that he types Journal.doc on his computer (Windows ME) and, in his careless cyber-luddism, has left open a pathway vulnerable to exploitation by those of us who know the ways of data capture. Pincher is a pious, small-c-conservative young fogey of the leftmost wing. He lives unfashionably in the London district of Forest Hill SE23, and devotes his life to writing entries in his Oxford Urban Dictionary, trying to find someone willing to publish his novel – five-hundred pages of relentless socialist manifesto masquerading as literature – and to being fruitlessly apoplectic about the price of things in the capital. A privacy obsessive, much of his novel consists of (in equal measure) decrying the dangers of the Internet age, and mocking its pretentions. Which is why I thought it would be funny for him to write his own blog, even if it is one that he doesn’t know he’s writing. Though the automatic-upload macro I’ve attached to Pincher’s journal makes me something of a deistical Prime Mover, I will occasionally deign to intervene in ‘the cool of the day’ (to footnote, to hyperlink, to tag, or otherwise curate). To this end you will know me by my dark-blue font. Without further ado, I present to you what I’ve chosen to dub, in the idiom of its unwitting BLOGGER, The Worldwide Weblog of Donald Pincher

Sunday, 24th May 2015

Ready, adj.

Pronunciation: /ˈrɛdi/
Etymology: < Old English rǣde ready, prompt + -y suffix

In the condition of having been prepared or put in order for a particular purpose; spec. as the second element of objectionable compounds such as beach body-ready, prom-ready, etc., all the more objectionable for being freq. written unhyphenated.

Saturday, 23rd May 2015

Glams | GLAMS, n.

Pronunciation: /ɡlamz/
Etymology: Acronym < the initial letters of gay, lesbian, and minority sexual, after BAME; sometimes also pronounced as an initialism.

Gay, lesbian, and minority sexual: designating (members of) gay, lesbian, and sexual minority communities in the United Kingdom.

Friday, 22nd May 2015

A Pastoral Tragedy

Thursday, 21st May 2015

Wednesday, 20th May 2015

Buxton® mineral water: Naturally Pumped Up

Cameron® prime minister: Unnaturally Pumped Up


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