Sunday, 11th August 2013

by Joshua Gaskell

Walking down the road I find myself in the wake of a barrel-chested gymnasiarch hot off the press; the kind of spworts-branded lad who rocks along like a pair of compasses set wide. He’s on the phone and I hear him say ‘Yah, I’ve just been working out.’ Working out what? I wonder. Not what preposition means.

I speculate as to whether whether, in his subcultural* subculture, the accusation of being flat-chested (coined by Smollett to describe Mrs Tabitha Bramble) is now a greater insult for a man than a woman. Does my Maj. Pectoralis pump the iron because, paranoiacally, he fears the jeers of the gym-babes? – ‘Ooh, you don’t want to go out with him. His tits are like mosquito bites!’


* ‘Characterized by low intelligence; spec. characterized by a (mild) mental disability caused by genetic or environmental factors’ (OED).