Monday, 21st September 2015

by Joshua Gaskell

It has been claimed by a member of the House of Lords that the blue-blooded head of the Westminster government ‘put a private part of his anatomy’ into a ‘swine’ at a meeting of an exclusive dining club named in honour of royal favourite Piers Gaveston.

The swine in question has now been identified as Gaveston himself. King Edward’s spokeswoman has said, ‘I’m not intending to dignify this by offering any comment or any HRH reaction to it.’ The peer who made the allegation was once the red-hot favourite for the earldom of Cornwall, which he felt he had bought (surely ‘earned’? Ed.), and is said to have been infuriated when the king passed him over in favour of the waspish Gaveston.