The Worldwide Weblog of Donald Pincher

by Joshua Gaskell

Saturday, 28th January 2017

Then he called for Peace in Vietnam, and the crowd roared and the band played Dianas as if he had made a glorious pass. Peace in Vietnam was now the property of all politicians; Peace in Vietnam was the girl who had gone to bed with a thousand different guys, but always took a bath, and so was a virgin. Hubert felt like a virgin every time he talked of Peace in Vietnam. He spoke with the innocent satisfaction of a drop of oil sliding down a scallion.

Miami and the Siege of Chicago (1968) by Normal Mailer

In Britain, until recently, when a politician wanted to feel like a virgin, he called for more apprenticeships. Now he criticises Trump. Criticising Trump is now the property of all politicians.

Sunday, 8th January 2017

In the mid-seventeenth century, in Britain, literacy was between ten and thirty per cent, meaning even the mediocre writer of a worthy, plodding biography or an epically dull poem was in possession of a saleable commodity. The post-1870 Education Acts are seen as a success for practically eradicating illiteracy, but spare a thought for the journeyman aspirant.

Monday, 26th December 2016

I notice that an increasing number of schools have signs at the gate saying, ‘This is a good school’. When did Ofsted adopt the classification system of Church and Gargoyle scholastic agents from Evelyn Waugh’s Decline and Fall?:

We class schools, you see, into four grades: Leading School, First-rate School, Good School, and School.

Thursday, 3rd November 2016

Offender, n.

Pronunciation: /əˈfɛndə/
Etymology: < offend v. + -er suffix

1. Law. A person who breaks the law.
2. (Increasingly merging with sense 1) A person who gives offence.

Tuesday, 1st November 2016

A birthday divination rhyme for Twitter:

Monday’s child has #Motivation,
Tuesday’s too has #Motivation,
Wednesday’s child is full of #Wisdom,
Thursday’s child has got some #Thoughts,
Friday’s child is loving and #Feeling,
Saturday’s outfit at #Night is revealing;
And a child that’s born on a Sabbath #Funday,
Is blithe and bonny, and good and #Gay.

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