Wednesday, 17th June 2015

I may be unashamed of talking to myself – indulging in what the academics call private speech, ‘self‐talk emitted out loud by adults when alone’ – but I refuse outright to talk down the phone to the incorrigibly mishearkening robots that are increasingly charged with manning the automated menus at call centres.

‘Tell me the third character of your password.’
‘F.’
‘S for Sierra. Is that right?’
‘No.’
‘No? Then tell me again, what is the third character of your password?’
‘F.’
‘S for Sierra. Is that right?’
‘No, F! F for eff you, eff me, what the eff?, and for eff’s sake, eff off and eff yourself you eff-witted effhole!

Oh, fuck it.

Thursday, 23rd October 2014

The tell-tale hum at the sharp end of cold calls demonstrates that, in those call centres from which they’re made, open-plan was a false economy.

Click.

Sunday, 28th September 2014

Conservative, n.

Pronunciation: /kənˈsəːvətɪv/
Etymology: < Middle French conservatif characterised by a tendency to preserve or conserve.

1. With small ‘c’: A person who conserves or preserves something; an adherent of traditional values, ideas, and institutions; an opponent of change, a conservative person. Cf. Progressive, n. sense 2.
2. Polit. Contronymous to sense 1, with capital initial: a person who sells or destroys something; an opponent of traditional values, ideas, and institutions; an adherent of change, a destructive person.

Sunday, 29th December 2013

A spot of Marxist riddlecraft:

Which is the only mode of production
Brought about by its own destruction?

Answer: Late Capitalism.